eltiT

So new post... It's late at night and lately I haven't been sleeping well. In fact, I would diagnose myself with mild insomnia. My last post was exciting and all about challenging myself and accomplishing goals and well I would like to report that these goals are being met that my challenges are being conquered but this is (in reality) a vague truth. Though to a great degree I've accomplished some of the things I've set out to do, I still am always left with a feeling of malcontent... The library bookshelves are very well stocked and in an orderly fashion. Yet, the room is still very disorganized as I am in great need of more shelves to say that this project can be fully complete. *sigh* And yes, this is some of what has kept me up at night lately.

It sounds so ridiculous but it's the truth but yet still vague because there are several other things that keep me up at night--like the horror of my dreams...

Not nightmares for I do not have many nightmares but rather dreams that are so realistic and even so perfect that I fear not the dream... But waking up from the dream...

Time seems to move so quickly now and days and staying up late I guess is one way I try to slow time down but it only makes me extremely tired and drowsy for the coming day rendering me quite useless and even dead to some degree. So I think I shall try to sleep at a regular schedule but oh how I frown upon the coming day, oh how I wish not to face it just yet...

I've come to feel like all the responsibilities I have has only made me into a more irresponsible person that if I cannot 100% dedicate myself to one thing and one thing only I'll go mad! I'm not big into multitasking.... It makes one tend to forget a great deal about well... Details... And I'm a very forgetful sort of person.

Now I feel like I'm just rambling. It's nice to ramble. It's even nicer to have someone listen to it.... I don't know why I feel the need to post this but perhaps someone will find it beneficial in some way though it really is only helping myself.

I feel like such a selfish person and just by admitting it makes me feel all the more selfish.

I just need to sit awhile...

And do...

Nothing...

*laughs softly*

I find that a bit Ironic... Because as I sit and hope not to ponder, I'll still be doing something and it makes no deference stealing so much time from myself by just trying to do nothing.

So that's the end of it. I'll think of nothing more to say... Though as this post is published I'll still be typing away in the far depths of my mind typing untold stories of a hell that torments my soul. Not knowing, not knowing, not knowing, not knowing, not knowing...

Where--that is--to where I am going...

Goodnight, I bid you all ado... Sleep well and do tell me how it is you feel? Tomorrow, let me not know who you are. Today, please say you'll give me just the chance to know that yesterday was truly worth the while; that I can sleep tonight in peace; the next day is but a skip. But now into a dream I go repeating the desire, the fear, and the creation of a world most fare but seldom and wild--beyond my reach-- and out of my control.

"My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer."